This is part 2 of “What Men Really Think About Natural Hair”. Click here if you haven’t read part 1. It’s critical that you read part 1 before you read part 2.
Part 2
While running up the stairs, Patrick trips and falls over the last step of the staircase and crashes into a lamp. This lamp sits on top of a table given to Keisha by her late grandmother – crash! The lamp comes crashing down and makes an explosive sound as it breaks into a dozen pieces.
Patrick, who bruised his shin during the fall, gathers his composure and begins to pick up the pieces of the broken lamp.
Keisha was getting out of the shower at the time, but after hearing the loud crashing sound, she put on her bath robe, satin cap, and house shoes and begins rushing towards the sound of the crash.
Once she arrived, she immediately noticed the broken lamp pieces scattered across the floor like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Patrick is still on his knees picking up the pieces.
Keisha asked Patrick, “What happened?”
Patrick, still breathing heavily from the fall, told Keisha, “I tripped and fell running up the stairs.”
Keisha, curiously asks, “Why were you running?”
Patrick, who hasn’t lost sight of the reason he was initially hurried, told Keisha, “I was just doing some research on your decision to go natural and I think your making a bad decision.”
Keisha’s countenance began to change as Patrick continued, “I love the way you wear your hair now. I mean – you look so pretty with your current hair do. Those natural hair styles aren’t very attractive. Why would you want to do that to yourself?”
Keisha’s heart begins to beat a little faster and she slowly begins to respond to Patrick’s question. Keisha, who is about to tell Patrick that she has already big chopped says, “It’s too”, but before she can respond Patrick quickly cuts her off and says, “One of the sites that I visited had a whole community of these women.”
Keisha’s feelings are clearly hurt as this point, but she quickly interjects, “These women?”
Patrick says, “Yeah, you know – there was a group of these afro-wearing militant chicks that reminded me of the civil rights movement.”
The Confrontation
Keisha is quickly becoming angry as Patrick continues to talk about his natural hair research and how he doesn’t like the hairstyles that he has seen online. His comments were unintentionally insulting and hurtful to Keisha. She thought that Patrick might need some time to adjust, but was starting to feel like he was simply being unreasonable.
Patrick continued, “How will you be viewed at work?” “These natural hairstyles aren’t very professional.” “Do you really plan to walk around town with an afro all the time?”
Keisha, fuming at this point, slowly turns away and begins to walk towards the bathroom. Emotions are running at an all-time high. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Keisha, who was beginning to develop a headache, continued towards the bathroom to grab a couple of Advil tablets.
Patrick was offended by Keisha’s decision to suddenly walk away during their discussion, so he follows behind her.
Keisha enters the bathroom, rapidly opens the medicine cabinet and grabs the bottle of Advil.
Before she has the opportunity to take the Advil, Patrick walks into the bathroom and notices hair cutting shears resting on top of the bathroom counter.
Patrick, who worked full time as a crime scene detective for the local police department, reluctantly started connecting the dots. He grabbed the shears and noticed a few fresh hair clippings on the blade.
At this point, Patrick is in full blown work mode.
He begins to analyze the bathroom, as if it were a crime scene. His eyes are rapidly moving from left to right, up and down the walls, and across the bathroom floor. He’s processing evidence at the speed of a super computer. His heart begins to pound and he tightens his grip on the hair cutting shears – bending and eventually breaking them into two pieces.
Keisha tosses a bathroom cup into the trash can after she takes two Advil tablets. Patrick’s eyes follow the bathroom cup as if it were in slow motion.
Then, Patrick says, “Keisha you’ve already cut your hair off! Haven’t you?”
Keisha, shaking her head slowly, takes a deep breath and licks her lips. There was a short awkward pause that lasted for only a few moments. To Patrick it felt like an eternity. The silence was deafening.
Keisha, who was looking down towards the floor, looks up and makes eye contact with Patrick. Still she doesn’t respond – for fear of saying something that she might regret.
The Unveiling
Instead, Keisha quickly removes her satin cap and Patrick’s expression fades. He stands there, motionless – as dead. Keisha sees his lifeless facial expression and asks Patrick, “Do you see me differently now?”
Patrick said, “Of course. Now you don’t have any hair.”
Keisha said, “Patrick you’re acting like a jerk. You should be more considerate of my feelings and my health.”
Patrick, who was known for using much stronger language, curiously asked, “You’re health? What the heck does this have to do with your health?”
Keisha, still angry about the intensity of this situation, says “Patrick! I get severe, painful scalp burns every time I get a relaxer. There are literally sores in my head caused by the harmful chemicals included in relaxers. I can’t continue to put myself through this kind of torture. I’m actually surprised by your behavior. I thought that you loved me and cared for me deeply. Apparently, our relationship was more superficial than I thought. I’ve been relaxing my hair for 27 years, putting up with these painful sores and scars in my head. Now, you’re implying that you’re not attracted to me anymore, simply because of the way I decide to wear my hair.”
Keisha told Patrick, “Come here. Rub right here and touch over here. Do you feel that? Those are the sores that I’ve been dealing with for many years.”
Keisha, who was beginning to speak very loudly, continued “Come look at the evidence – Patrick!”
Keisha continued to rant, but at this point Patrick had tuned her out. He was finally coming to the realization that he was acting like a jerk – although he could think of some stronger words to describe himself. He never realized what his wife had been going through.
Patrick, saddened deeply by his actions, apologized to Keisha. He told her that he truly never meant to hurt her. He simply didn’t understand and was wrong for overreacting. Patrick continued to explain his ridiculous behavior and Keisha eventually understood.
Don’t forget that Patrick truly loved his wife, and mutually Keisha loved Patrick.
What Do Men Really Think About Natural Hair?
So, you ask, what do men really think about natural hair? Honestly, most men – just like Patrick – don’t really understand what black women have been going through for many years.
I LOVED THIS! I’m only 21 and have been natural for 10 months and went through this situation with my father! Please CONTINUE the story!!!
hi curly vicky! thanks for your comment and we definitely plan to continue with patrick and keisha :) how did things workout with you and your dad?
Omg, I love your name and I said if I ever had a daughter I was going to name her that. Do you pronounce it J.L.?
Thanks for your comments. I will definitely continue the story. Also, do you mind sharing your experience with your Dad? We can talk privately if you like.
Please continue the story. I’m natural and my husband is fine with it but I have friends that have husbands tjat like Patrick really don’t understand the decision to go natural. Continue pleade!
I recently did the big chop on aug 4, 2013
My husand reactioon supried me he looked and said you cut your hair I said yes
He replied its uneven wow
Just want to say love the story please continue
LOL- well, evening it out will be easy :-)
Hey I recently started transitioning a little over two months ago. My guy is just as excited about it & loves when I wear my hair in a curly fro. I decided to do it because it’s cheaper, my hair grows faster, & I don’t like the feeling of my strands after the relaxer it felt damaged. All my life I was told my hair was “nappy” by my aunt would has really thin hair when I have a beautiful curl pattern . I’ve been getting perms forever because my mom couldn’t do my hair. Once I became an adult & took over, I saw more growth. I don’t know why I didn’t start this sooner. Thank you for this.
When my aunt came to live with my family, it was so difficult for me. My sister is natural but her hair is always straightened, and my mom is relaxed so whenever I just put my hair in twists or wear an afro to my friends’ place, she just always had something to say and it was super annoying. My scalp hasn’t completely healed from the use of relaxer (14 months since I last used it) and when I was relaxed, my hair just never grew past shoulder length, and now the hair at the back of my head is already to my collarbone, and at the crown is to my shoulders. Relaxer is really crack
Making sure that your scalp heals should continue to be the main focus. Its ironic that you mention relaxers being crack. Have you read our article Creamy Crack: https://www.curlcentric.com/creamy-crack/
#BeCurlCentric
Kira
No, you can send me it in my email.
YES! Please keep it going! I am seriously contemplating going natural next year and I happen to work in a corporate environment. My coworkers have seen me go from braids to a short hair cut back to braids again. The expressions….priceless; mainly due to lack of understanding. So I would be interested to see how Keisha handles that.
Hi GoinNatural!
Thanks for your input and the corporate response is a great direction to go :) Why are you waiting so long to go natural? Are you using this time to transition?
Well it’s kind of a long story lol but basically I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time, just wasn’t completely ready for it. But this year I’ve really been focusing on loving/appreciating myself for who I am. Exposing the lies that have been told to me about my hair, I feel is the next step in my journey. :)
Wow! I know you have had an exciting journey :) What lies exactly have you been told and who told them to you?
It really started with family, my mom in particular who always gets relaxers. I attempted to go the traditional route when my hair was short before and she gave me a hard time. Saying things like ‘You’re really going to wear your hair like that?’ or things like “why don’t you get it shaped?’ basically making me feel bad. My grandmother too, soon as I saw her she would be like ‘turn around’ and then make an ignorant comment. I could go on, but I’ve already realized that they don’t know everything about everybody’s hair, including my own.
*by traditional i meant natural.
Thanks. I’ll definitely continue the story.
Please continue this story, interesting….I’m going natural myself but my guy encourages me and loves the idea.
Congrats on having a guy you encourages you and loves the idea.
I really enjoyed this article. But i experienced the complete opposite. I am 21 in college, and I’ve been transitioning for about over a year ( i am completely natural). In school i have been getting more attention from guys now, then when i had a perm. I love to see in the next article how Patrick felt during and after the Big chop. Did it grow on him? how does he like her hair now? questions like that
Jahna,
I am happy that you have had an accepting experience :) Did the Big Chop grow on him….? That’s a good question?
I Love my natural hair…. its a challenge and thats what i LOVE…..
I’d like to hear more please. Both pieces of the story were well written and illustrated what, sadly, many involved women go through.
Personally, I would’ve gotten even angrier than Keisha. I consider my hair and overall health very serious. The “afrocentric” aspect is also a definite factor of why I went Natural.
I am happy that you enjoyed both articles and please look forward for many more to come :) What would you have like to happen? The story isn’t over yet, so your input can possibly play into a future encounter with Keisha and Patrick….
Thankyou for the article. Maybe you can include her hair Texture dilemma because all naturals are not happy with our Newfound textures and we have to really learn to love whatever texture we find out we have :-).
You’ve hit the ball out the park! Incredible article!
Please give me advice on how to grow my bald spot back thats one of the reason for going natural also
Hi Lawanda,
It really depends on why you have the bald spot. If it is the result of braidind too tight or pulling your puff (ponytail) to tight, with a little patience and time, you will see re-growth. However, if you think that something else is the cause, I suggest going to a dermatologist.
Yes, please continue the story of her first day at work. It always amazes me how we women endure the harsh chemicals, the glues, the threads, the tracks and feel it is attractive. I have asked men I have come into contact with how they feel about natural hair and it seems they prefer it if the women in their lives had natural hair. I further asked why. The one common answer is ‘I would be able to touch her hair’.
Thanks for you feedback. As GoinNatural said, it about exposing lies and I think it is also about recognizing our beauty as beautiful. Now, I wonder how many of the men you asked actually will touch their woman’s hair??? :)
I wonder why some men have issues with stuffs like this, my husband doesn’t mind if am natural or relaxed as long as am at home with whichever one I chose. I have been wearing short natural hair since December 24,2012 and am just loving it! Please continue with the Patrick and wife story. God bless you!
That’s true. I think men like having the opportunity to touch their wife’s hair.
Also, it seems like several people want to hear how Keisha’s first day at work goes. So, that will be the next article in the Keisha and Patrick saga.
Lol… Step aside Twilight – Hello Partick and Keisha!
CONTINUE the story!!!
Will do.
After reading all that drama, I’m glad I’m single!
Dee – Too funny!
I totally agree. Its best to go natural now (single) and straighten (in the future) if he wants to see straight hair as a treat but thumbs up on that comment LOL!
Loved the story! I have been natural for five years. Like a couple of other people that have commented I had a similar situation with my dad when I decided to BC. But I was in college at the time and also received a lot of attention from men concerning my hair too. I love my hair and continue to have wonderful experiences!
Hi CoilsNKinks – Are you saying that your dad was against natural hair initially? Also, what kind of attention have you received from men – positive mostly?
I love this story please continue with it! My daughter is 21 and decided to Big Chop about 3 weeks ago, she has lived this story with her now ex-boyfriend. She has been telling him over a period of time that she has been thinking of going natural but because time has gone by without her doing so he took it for granted that it was something she most likely would never do so when the time came and she actually did it he couldn’t understand and told her he did not like how she looks with her short natural hair.
Hi Renee –
I’m sorry to hear that things didn’t work out for your daughter and her ex-boyfriend. If he was so superficial that he would make a statement like that, then it’s probably best that their not together any longer. I wish you and her the best in the future.
Hi Renee- Congrats to your daughter on her recent BC! I would love to hear more on how she dealt with “ex-boyfriend”. She can email me if she wants to [email protected]
Yes I think you should continue the story. It’s important to hear about stories like this. I personally went natural almost 2.5 years ago most of my friends and family were supportive. I like to change my hair a lot and I have re-learned how to care for my natural hair that I love. I sometimes with will get a flat iron but i will never again get a relaxer. The man in my life accepted it the change but occasionally made comments about my hair during the transition such as ” I know what will fix that hair … a relaxer” or he only complemented me when I got my hair blown out and flat ironed. I think a lot of the problem is that men are conditioned to believe that straight relaxer hair is the norm and what is beautiful. I don’t fault them its our society but as with a lot of things in life there comes a time for change and this story may help.
Hi melscurls – Thanks for your comments. I will definitely continue the story. It sounds like your man initially may have wanted you to relax again. Has he come around any?
I like it. Keep the saga going. I’m willing to be a dollar that if a survey were taken, more men would be in favor of natural hair on black women than not, especially if it’s long and obviously healthy.
Hi Chipper –
Will do. I’m glad that you enjoyed it.
what a great article! This story is so cute and so typical in the Afro american household.Being natural has always been excepted in my household,but as we enter society we change and I was one of those people until I realized how much I missed my natural. My husband was so excited when I big chop he said he would never want me to relax again and I don’t either. Being natural is a part of freedom ,to be me and not what society paints for me. Accept your own be your self is my motto and I love rocking my Fro every chance I get! keep the articles coming.. coming soon natural hair products and book from my husband and I we both have hair relax hair stories… check out our site (naturalhairpandemic.com) July30,2011 we are hosting Natural Hair Pandemic Hair Show In Houston ,Tx on the campus of University of Houston.
Peace&Blessings
Olucci
Hi Olucci –
Thanks for your kind words about the article. I intend to write part 3 pretty soon. Also, congrats on your upcoming natural hair products. I wish you great success in the future.
Kenneth
Great story! I definitely want to read more. Luckily, I have been dating someone for the past 3 months and he likes the way I look. Also, like some of the other ladies on here, I have gotten plenty of attention from the fellas (of all races) and feel beautiful! Oh, I haven’t had a relaxer in over a year and have been gradually chopping off the ends.
Nice! I’m glad you enjoyed the story Shakira.
Oooohhhh I like this, I would like to see how her work experience was but also being out in public w/ him having a TWA. I wonder what HIS friends are gonna say? But then when she gets a few months in and knows how to style her hair then he’s gonna notice it fits her. Oh i wonder if she becomes a product junkie and starts spending ridiculously?! This story can go many ways. Good job its a good read.
Sup Val –
LOL! I’m glad you liked it. So, in part 3-X, I need to include her going back to work, being seen in public with a TWA, the encounter with Patrick’s friends, and then turn her into a product junkie? Just kidding Val. Thanks for your comments. I’m working on part 3. I’m a little behind schedule, but I think you’ll like it.
I love this story Patrick reminds me of my mom, she thought that natural was ugly until I bagan to get compliments and attention. But in her defense that was her upbringing Black Women have been taught to fit in. I have gotten more male attention since I went natural. My child’s father is my biggest fan. LOL!!!
Hi KriShaun –
I’m glad you enjoyed the story. You hit on something in your comments that I think is very important. We talk a lot about the mental transition on this site and a part of that is “what other people think about you going natural.” This is often a stumbling block for many women, so I’m glad to hear that you’re receiving compliments and attention from the guys with your natural hair. I often tell women not to worry about what men think too much, because there are plenty of guys out there who are attracted to women with natural hair.
Yes, please continue the story. I transitioned last year and was concerned how my professional life would change, if any, as a result of the big chop. Also, my man and now fiance’ was confused but I’m a big communicator so I explained every thought, concern, fear, frustration, etc. Although he was not onboard and very confused, he supported me every confusing step along the way. He has come a very very long way and is going through the journey with me. I find it interesting that some women expect me to be natural but wear my hair straight. They just don’t get that fact that I want to learn about all the natural style options and don’t feel the need to flat iron my hair. I can go on about my experiences.
Hi Tiffany –
I will continue the story. Thanks for your comments.
I think your story is very encouraging. Your man, now fiancé, didn’t completely understand why you decided to go natural – but he obviously cared for you deeply and was willing to listen and support you along the way. That’s truly what I like hear. I want to encourage guys to listen to their ladies especially when it’s something like this.
This story sounds very true to life. Is it?
I had a similar experience when I went natural. My husband had an unbelievable fit and had a very very hard time accepting my natural hair.
My hair has grown a lot since that initital big chop of 2009, and I think he is a little more accepting of it, but I know it is not his first choice.
I have straightened it a few times for him, but my hair has not straight longer than a couple of days. But, I am going to see if I can find a way to keep it straight longer.
There are so many naturals now, are black men finding natural hair anymore attractive now since they see it all the time? Does anyone know the answer to that?
Hi Momma’s Sunshine –
This isn’t a true story, but just how I see a bad situation possibly playing out. It was my attempt to answer a question that one of our newsletter subscribers asked me to address.
Re: are black men finding natural hair more attractive now – I think there are a few things to consider: Most men have no idea what our women are going through when they get a relaxer. Likewise, they really don’t understand what it really means to go natural. You’ll notice in the story that Patrick didn’t want Keisha to cut off all of her hair nor did he want her to wear afro hairstyles all the time.
Most men just don’t get it. I grew up in a family where most women were relaxed and prior to @Jael going natural….I didn’t truly get it either, but now I completely get it. Sometimes it just takes time.
To answer your question though, I think there are several men who are attracted to women with natural hair. So I wouldn’t worry about that too much.
I struggled with going natural for over ten years, after getting married I knew he couldn’t leave me just for going natural. His mom was natural so I knew it was in ny favor. I told him about my decision, and he was all for it. I cut it to a small TWA. After three months, my hair was not that cute, and I begin to worry. I told my barber to cut all the straight hair off. Well, he shaved me bald. I was a wreck because I knew he would have a fit. He came in late from work and fearfully and tearfully I removed my head wrap. To my surprise, he LOVED it. He thought it was even more attractive than the Afro. I grew it out for 365 days and a few months and decided to shave it again this past June. He shaved it for me. Now he wants me to grow it out some. So yes, my man has been down for the natural hair since day one and that’s just one more reason I L.O.V.E. him.
Great story. Thanks for sharing. Take care.
Kenneth
Give him a “high five” because that’s what’s up! I am excited for you, your hair and your relationship with your husband. Yes, I can definitely see how coming out of the barbershop bald would be concerning. Especially, if that is not what your wanted. Be sure to keep us updated on your journey.
My God, that brought tears to my eyes. I could only imagine how she felt at that point. I told my husband that I was going natural when when we were dating. He was so excited! But I later found out that he had a different interpretation of the word “natural”. During those days, I used to where weave all the time and he simply thought that I meant I was going to where my “real hair”. Once I explained to him that I was eliminating chemical relaxers and gave him the history of perms he completely understood. In the end, my husband ended up being very supportive of me being natural. He loved my hair more than I did half the time and encouraged me when I had bad hair days. I honestly believe that men don’t have a problem with natural hair. They are just ignorant of what we actually have to go through. I believe that once educated about it they’re pretty cool about it. My husband loved my hair. As long as it was done of course! Lol! I would love to here more about Patrick and Keisha.
Kyndra – I agree with you. Most men (at least the ones I talk to) have no idea what it means to go natural.
Also, I’m really glad to hear that your husband was supportive of your decision and your journey once you explained the situation to him. Good communication is the key.
Kenneth
I love the story! My parents have always been against me using chemicals so I didn’t have that issue. I don’t have coarse hair so I don’t get as much resistance from most people about me going natural again. Quite a few of my friends are natural and I’ve heard the stories about things they’ve gone thru! Similar to things you guys have written. I’m gonna suggest they register here and read these stories!
@crystal, I am glad that you enjoyed the story enough to recommend it friends- thanks! It’s great to have family support, it makes the transition easier :)
I think this story is awesome & I do hope you continue it. I know first hand that men don’t really understand what women go through and I did have to have a conversation with a close male friend of mine explaining my decision. He didn’t like the change but understood my reasoning for it and actually enjoys the different styles i try and being able to actually play in my hair. Thanks for sharing this story I cannot wait to read more. ;-)
Hi Suga – Glad that you enjoyed the story.
Awesome story! You are truly gifted! Situations like that make me glad I decided to take this natural hair journey while I am on my “single and getting-to-know-me-again” journey :-)
Deborah – Thanks for the kind words. I wish you the greatest success on your natural hair journey.
Kenneth
I’m glad, so far, in my personal life, there are no objections about my natural hair.
Keep the story going!
Rennea – Will do. Take care.
Kenneth
do yo thang; natural is where the action is; most dudes I meet like the natural look instead of the tracks
Debbie – I hear you.
Great ending! I, personally, had to break up an relationship with my former boyfriend because of that kind of misunderstanding. He was definitely into the long hair or weaves, fake nails, etc. When I told him that wasn’t my style he didn’t protest; but, he made a negative comment every day until I finally was fed up after a few weeks.
Thank you for this
It’s disappointing that he would act that way, but it sounds like you removed yourself from that situation. I hope things are going well for you now.
Kenneth
Please continue the story! I’ve been transitioning for seven months and I think I researched off and on for several months and attended a natural hair meeting before making the final decision. As I did the research, I read different articles to my husband and showed him various pictures. In the beginning, he made jokes about me being a “nappyhead” when he saw all the new growth. He’s watched so many YT videos with me that now he’s asking me to teach him how to braid so he can help me with my hair. I was complaining about my arms getting tired last weekend and he said I told you to teach me! We’ll see how that lesson goes! His attitude has changed in a good way since I made the decision and I think it was the sharing of information that helped to prepare him as well.
Quicia – Great story. I hope things continue to go well for you and your husband.
Kenneth
Yes! continue the story! I transitioned for 5 months. My husband actually wanted me to go natural. When he learned about the different chemicals in relaxers he was more concerned with my health; however, he was not a fan of me cutting off my hair all at once, that is why I transitioned until I could not take it anymore…and I cut it off anyway. Initially he was shocked! It took all of 15 minutes of him checking me out and he loved it! He cannot wait to see the hair growth with my natural texture!
Marline – That’s definitely an unique experience. Give your husband a high five for me. LOL! Take care.
Kenneth
Hi, please continue the story I totally enjoyed. I did the Big Chop in Dec 2010, but I wore twist extensions for a while. In September this year I ditched the extensions and decide to wear my hair out. I bought some natural hair products and wore an afro for a few weeks. I spent and still spend a lot of time researching natural hair styles and I currently wear my hair in two strand twist or twist out for a different look. I love my hair, I always did but I wish I had started this journey years ago. My husband bless him has been very supportive. In fact he told me to go this about 2yrs ago, but I wasn’t ready I guess. He is more excited than me sometimes about my hair growth.
I think black women were thought not to love our natural curls and coils, for fear of being called knappy head…so we bore the pains of the relaxer burns to fit in. I have a 5yr old daughter and I constantly tell her how beautiful her hair is, and I felt that if I was going to ensure she learnt that her hair is beautiful then I too should set her an example.
I love my hair, and am looking forward to a future where both my daughter and I can love and live with natural hair.
Please post part 3 soon.
Thanks
SoniB
Ok, so I didn’t complete Part 3 until just recently. However, stay tuned because it will be posted very soon.
hmmmm well my experience is a bit different. Well I guess that’s because I have never put chemicals in my hair. However, people love my natural hair. In fact, in my country alot of women are just cutting off the relaxer and going natural. It feels like everywhere I turn I see someone i knew with a relaxer, sporting an afro. Oh wait… i just thought of a story. My aunt cut her long relaxed hair off and was wearing an afro. Her work member hated it urrggghh… thay kept saying that she was so pretty with the relaxed hair…key words…’was pretty’. Long story short…she relaxed her hair again after a few years of growing out her afro :( hmmm you’re story is great by the way…very catching
@Sonia Thanks for compliments on the story. Disappointed to hear the story about your aunt. Unfortunately, situations like that occur way too often. I’m writing part 3 of the story, but lately I’ve had writers block – so I’ve been focusing on a few other things.
By the way, I read through you hair story and find it very interesting. Your hairdresser used “some flat object that she has in the oven” on your hair? That’s crazy. I’m glad that you found the site. We can definitely help you achieve your hair goals. One other thing, if there is anything specific that you would like to see us write about, please let me know.
This was a very interesting story. I loved every detailed moment of it. Hope to read more:-)
@s4spirals Thanks for checking out the story. Take care.
Kenneth
Salutations everyone. Well, alternating in between relaxed hair and wearing it natural, chiefly I’ve worn a natural for most of my younger life in which my hair was thick and my skin was smooth. It never grew long as I thought anyway, wearing a natural was an insult. It would be pressed up against my head, hard to comb, and hard just in general.
My sister came in from college one day and decided it was time for a change. She relaxed it. However, since the time I’ve been alternating between the two keeping it short. A few years back I got married and a few years within the marriage I went natural; and of course kept it short. From the actions and reactions personally he didn’t like it at all! Well, I’m divorced now, and courting someone who said that he thought I’d look nice with a natural. Well, since products have gotten better and there’s more information on how to care for naturally corse hair I thought why not. It lasted one year and 2 months here’s why:
My hair has two types. Literally two separate types while the one is more uncontrolled than the other. As I attempted to allow it to grow the uncontrolled straighter corse ends would stick straight up! If I kept it short those straight ends could not be seen. I no longer felt the insult, but rather the desperation of trying to accomplish a thing that someone else thought would be appealing and remembering how nice others have said it looked on me. Embarrassed? Yes, I was, because I’m getting older now and I want to keep a youthful look for as long as I can. I felt old, dragged, and unattractive. I hated to admit it, but the short natural style is may no longer be for me. After I relaxed it the following day the guy I’m courting told me just how he felt after he saw how it made me look. I think I’ve worn it out! I’ve worn it for so long that it no longer fits my face or physique.
However, like Keisha I must admit that the sores I use to get with a relaxer…I never had a problem when it was natural and my face cleared back up. Will I ever go back to proudly exhibiting the natural beauty of a black woman? I probably would if I can figure out how to control the Cherokee.
That was great. Like a good book, movie or soap.. The suspense…
@arctictamm Thanks for the kind words. I greatly appreciate it.
Please continue this story – I can’t wait to read more. I have been considering going natural for some time and just today I asked my husband what he thought about the idea. And like Patrick, he’s not really sure what I mean by going natural, so I explained to him that I no longer wanted to get relaxers and he was like “oh, okay”. He doesnt have an issue with short hair b/c over the years (15 1/2) that we’ve been married I’ve experiemented with all kinds of different hairstyles and he’s usually pretty satisfied. I am glad that I found this site and I will definately be watching for the continuation of this story.
Hi DavidzLady – Thanks for commenting. I will continue the story following the holidays.
Kenneth
Wow,I am truly motivated by this natural hair community. I am a Hair Stylist in Las Vegas,city of weaves and superficial everything. After seeing all these beautiful black natural women I wish that more women could truly embrace their natural beauty. One of the problems I feel is the media,videos,ect. Today we had a discussion in the salon on how most of the women you see with these ballplayers,musicians,just men in the industry period.The women are light skin or not black with long straight hair,or what some consider good hair. Thus some women feel they need to look this way to catch a man’s attention. I feel good hair is healthy hair! To be comfortable in your own skin is beautiful and gives off a confidence that is illuminating. I could go on and on about this topic,but I would have to post a book lol. I want to thank the people who started this community and I cant wait to pass it on to my clients…..Oh and I have officially decided to to take my braids out and rock my fro.
Great story please continue. I am a new natural and LOVE my hair it took me a while because i had a hard time styling relaxed and natural hair, however, I continued the transition and flat twist work wonderfully. Your site is great keep up the great recommendations and encouragements.
Thanks a bunch
Denna – Glad that you enjoyed the story and it’s great that you like the site.
I’m so lucky to have a boyfriend who grew up in a loving, afro-centric vegetarian household with a mother who big-chopped when she was younger, faced a great deal of resistance from her family, and as a result raised her children to love their hair and love themselves- sadly, even though I get a lot of support from him, I am the one who is struggling with accepting my hair. It’s definitely a journey! I’m trying to not lose the faith.
I can definitely understand what you’re saying Amanda. Stick with it and I wish you much success in the future.
Yes, by all means please continue this story!
@thetallcuteone Thanks Gigi. I’m glad that you enjoyed the story.
I have been natural for 7 months now after transititiong for 11 months and ny husband has no problem with me doing so. He actually helps me with sectioning my hair and oiling my scalp and things like that too. I have a lot of hair I need help with it. LOL!! I really like not having to spend a lot of money on getting my hair relaxed and color at the same time and I haven’t has my hair done at a salon since December so it works for us
Khadija – Good for you! It’s great to hear that your husband fully supported and continues to support your decision to go natural. Helping you with sectioning and oiling is really neat too. Congrats.
I really enjoyed this story. It really drew me in. Please continue!!!
Marliceia – That’s great. I’m really glad that you enjoyed it.
OMG! I was about to find this Patrick. You have to continue this story. I have been natural for 3ys.I am so sick and tired of people native comment. And assumptions that I went natural to prove that I am a real black women. How stupid does that sound!!!! So please go ahead with the story:)
Keep ur heads up all you beautiful natural women:)
LOL! I hear you. Patrick was acting crazy for a while there. I struggled a little bit with who would play the role of antagonist in Part 3, but I just finished writing it and I’m satisfied with the outcome.
I love the story I asked my husband how he felt about me going natural he said it was up to me but I did explain to him what it was doing to my hair but sometimes I wonder how he really feels so yes it would be great for you to add on to this story because even tho he u nderstood I would like to know the outcome
I’m really glad that you enjoyed the article. I just finished writing Part 3, which sets the stage for an explosive Part 4. Part 3 will be posted very soon.
That was a excellent story please continue on.
Part 3 is coming later tonight.
Hello I have posted before but failed to say I have been, natural since sept 9 2011 and even tho I love it it is sometimes, hard for me to style because of my thin, edges they are growing back in but still thin what can I do to help thicken up my edges by the way I did the BC
Thanks for sharing this story. I have been natural for 2 years so I can identify with Keisha in that I was tired of getting scalp burns.. (3rd degree chemical burns ) for over 20 years. I was single at the time and didn’t have to consider anyone elses opinions but my own. At first that was difficult for me because of all of the brainwashing we’ve had our whole lives. I literally felt sick to my stomach thinking about cutting off my shoulder length relaxed hair to an inch of natural hair. It took me 6 months of watching you tube videos, reading books and posting pictures of natural hairstyles where I could see them every day to actually cut my hair and feel good about it. The men have been programmed just as we have. It’s not their fault so we have to explain to them why we chose to go natural and how being relaxed effected us just as Keisha did.
Hi Wanetta,
Change does take time and it’s great that you recognized that. Sometimes it takes others longer but all in all, it is hard to go against something that has been instilled in your for so long. But as we find out, change is good and sometimes it is much needed.
Thanks for commenting,
Jael
Oohhh yal go make me lose my job trying to figure out whats going on with this couple!! LOL Great Story…..
I have been natural for over a year now. My last relaxer was Feb of 2011. I didn’t do the BC but I would blow out my hair in a spike and wear it. I had so much new growth my hair would stand up on its own and then I chopped it off. I did some coloring which badly damaged my hair. Now that the color is all out, my hairs is finally getting its own personality. I am a 4C in every since of the word. I’ve tried banding and twisting which are cute in the beginning. But I teach zumba, and at the end of the work out or a simple work day, 6 inches of 4c is about 2.5 inches. I welcome suggestions for lengthening the hair without heat.
You guys are great. So enjoying my emails… they don’t come so often that I am bombarded, but just enough that I am excited to read them. Gonna read part C of this WHEN I GET OFF WORK! Blessings to you!
Girl, don’t lose your job…! Kennth did an awesome job writing this and we are happy that you are enjoying it. By all means, keep up with this couple as they continue the journey :)
Thank you for all the kind words and for the feedback on the community newsletter.
Jael
CONTINUE…
I LOVE READING THIS STORY! I BEEN NATURAL NOW FOR THREE YEARS AND I AM LOVING EVERYDAY OF BEING NATURAL, even the bad hair days. I am thankful that my boyfriend was very understanding with my choice.
My challenge now is making sure my daughter love and embrace her natural hair, she 10years old and she is already asking for a relaxer, my sister relaxes her hair and my neice, my daughter says i want my hair long and pretty like that, of course i tell her, your hair is geautiful, and long, you have a beautiful natural curl.
There are books i have been reading to her to show her how impirtant it is to stay natural, do you have any other suggestions.
I told her that as long as she id my daughter she will not get a relaxer…. but i want her to be proud of her hair like her mother.
I love this story. When I went natural, I didn’t say a word to anyone, I just did it. I didn’t care what others would say or think. When they did say something I ask them if they hated themself because of the way that GOD made them? That shut them up fast. We look at others to defind how we should look ,where we should live and what we drive. Keeping up with what anyone thinks has never been my thing.I’ve done all kinds of things to my hair,one of which was dye it a dark pink and this was in 1980.You should saw the looks on their face, but the next thing I know I see some of them try some wild things too. Oh yes by the way my husband met me with a natural and married me 32 years ago. So ladies when a man loves you it ain’t got nothing to do with your hair and if it dose I wouldn’t won’t him.
Please continue!!!
Bee – Check out part 3. The link is posted above, near the end of the article. I haven’t started writing part 4, but will start thinking about the ending relatively soon.
Interesting story. Funny, I rarely discuss what I’m doing with my hair with my husband, I just do it or tell him I’m doing it on the way to get it done. He shaves his head after starting to go bald. It would be crazy for me to tell him he needed to get hair implants or wear a toupee because I don’t like bald men. Its his head and he can do whatever he wants to do with it. I guess he feels the same about mine.
I am fortunate to be with a man who supports all things natural. I have had more compliment from men not of color since going natural.
I’ve been reading “What men think about natural hair” and I must admit I’m eager to read it to the end. I live in Memphis, TN. The men here are not very accepting of natural hair. I do represent my natural hair to the fullest curly fros, twist outs, variety of braids, etc. Even the men with dred locs and afros are not accepting to our God given beautiful hair. I love my black brothers but the lack of respect for this superficial thing with my hair has started to rack my nerves! The natural meets are wonderful events…however, I would love to see my brothers hold an event on why accepting natural hair is a beautiful thing. I can’t speak for all women but I can tell you I suffered scalp burns and sores for years. NO MORE!!! I’ve been natural for about 15 months and I am really enjoying being naturally beautiful.
The story was great. I have been natural since January 2014. I love my natural hair and my boyfriend love it too. I had gotten my hair braided one time thinking he would love it but he told me why did I get it braid it he like it when I just wear it out because it is me. So I been wearing my hair out.
This was an outstanding story. You guys are very talented and creative. You are really making a difference. Thanks for the wonderful contribution that you are making to the African American race. We have a long way to go with pride in the way we look. Accepting ourselves is one of the biggest challenges of living. We have to be who we are. Keep the story going. More, more, more. Great job.
Karen-
Thank you for such a wonderful compliment!
Kira
I’m glad you shared this article because it somehow brings comfort to the other readers, which is nice. However, for me this article just annoyed the crap out of me because it further confirms the ignorance and nonsupport black women receive when wanting to wear their natural hair. Black women receive so much flack for “not being real” enough, but look around and what do you see? And what type of beauty seems*** to black men? And then men have the nerve to have an opinion when some black women choose the option to wear hair extensions? The seed is planted. So when it comes to the opinions of others regarding black beauty, especially from black men, their opinion is a joke.
I’ve been natural for a long time, but I used to press my hair often. When I gave the flat iron a break and wore my hair curly, as soon as I walked through the door at work, “Look, AUNT JEMIMA!”. Most of the compliments were from black women and white people. Once I got through the F-you and KMA, and cursing out a few people, I didn’t care anymore. One coworker, an ignorant somebody, tried convincing a group of us when he refers to black women as Aunt Jemima he’s simply making a comparison and we need not be offended but if we’re offended that’s our perception, and he’s not responsible. By the way, this experience is from my part time retail job. I don’t have any of these issues at my full-time corporate job. In fact, a lot of black women wear their natural hair at my corp job, it’s beautiful. :)
I’m glad Keisha’s love for her husband was strong enough to tolerate her husband’s jackassness.
Thank you for the story of Patrick and Keisha. My hair transition from perm to natural began 8months ago and after 8 months of hair growth I cut off the permed ends. During the eight month period I was dating a guy that I liked. On a date at a resturant I wore my hair in a two part flat twist up do and by his comment he didn’t like the style. He said “you should get your hair done”. In short, more horrible episodes of his displeasure with my hair came up but ironically, I still loved my hair. We did not make it to the ninth month. I gave him the boot. I felt his words were poison for my soul. I’m back on the map in search of my authentic self and I’m loving it. And when I do date again I hope to find a person in awe of me.
Dee,
Yes, yes and yes! I want to encourage you and let you know that this journey will be full of hope and promise!
I agree that we have to be careful about what we allow other people to pour and plant in us. I believe they will be in awe of you because they will be interested in the beauty that lies within. The outside beauty will be the cherry on top.
Thanks for your comment! I’d love to have you a part of the Curl Centric Community you can join here!
Kira
I decided to go natural after my wedding exactly a week and my husband actually shaved my hair for me it’s been a year plus since I did the big chop and he is very excited about the growth likewise myself I’m really looking forward to seeing what curlcentric has in store for me
Jae,
Your hubby is a rock star! I love that he supportive of your journey :-)
To stay update with Curl Centric, be sure to join the community here– JOIN THE COMMUNITY
Kira
I transitioned about 16 months now love my hair growth so far plus its a 4c s it hasn’t been all that easy for me but then its my new love and recently I found myself loving everything about my hair .
Did I forget to say it became the teacher and I the student Coz I’ve learnt so much which makes me more comfortable with DIY’s
Hi Elenor,
I transitioned for 16 months as well :-) Learning about your and loving it along the way makes a world of difference!
Kira
Yes it does .
I did the big chop on October 28, 2016. I will always remember that day because it’s the day my life changed. I felt more beautiful wearing my natural hair than I did with the perm. I just need some suggestions on what products to use to get it soft and manageable?
Hi NaturalMe,
Congrats on your big chop!
Getting your hair more manageable and soft hair will come from your regimen.
Specifically, making sure your strands are balanced with protein and moisture.
I like the Aphogee products: 2 Minute Conditioner and Balancing Moisture Moisturizer. You goal is to make the strands whole and well preserved.
If you need help with your regimen, here is our Regimen Blueprint!
#BeCurlCentric
Kira
Hi NaturalMe,
Softness and manageable hair stems from your regimen.
Be sure that you’re including enough protein and enough moisture to balance each other.
If need help with creating your regimen check out our Regimen Blueprint 101.
#BeCurlCentric
Kira
Hello, so I am in need of part 3 I have decided to do the big chop I have many issues with my hair and tried to go natural without doing the big chop and it’s not working out. I told my husband and kids yesterday and my oldest (16) she just horrified, and my husband had only one question “So your going to be bald head, looking like a man”. Wwill that made me feel some kind of way. I still plan on doing it and just trying to hide it from him until it grows out some. You know with scarfs and wigs. My husband do like the natural looks and curls so that won’t be a problem it’s getting there that is the problem the ” bald head” as he calls it so I’m hoping my hair grows out fast. Pray for me as I plan on doing it sometime today or tomorrow.
Zipporah…. Zipporah….
any updates? How did the big chop go? Did you show your husband???
Don’t leave us hanging :-(
Kira
Hello everyone. I decided to go natural about a little over three years ago. I wore relaxers from the age of I believe 10 years old and now I am a well seasoned mature woman. I decided to go natural because my hair was breaking off severely and my hair was thinning due to the relaxers. Although I saw my styist on a regular basis it was still damaging to my hair. I transitioned for two years and then I big chopped. I have been natural now for one year and three months. It is very challenging for me to do and care for my own hair. I have watched so many YouTube videos that I literally would fall asleep and have to rewind it to see what I missed LOL. I feel is though I am doing better with my hair but it is challenging because I believe I am considered a 4C. I noticed my coworkers were having issues with the change from relaxed to natural because I would receive comments such as “I like your hair better when it straightened” and similar comments such as that. There have been many times in my journey where I felt like I wanted to give up and relax it or permanently texturize it. There are many days I also want to straighten it every single day regardless to potential he damaged just to make life “easier for me”. I chose not too.
I truly appreciate this forum to discuss our struggles and successes. I would love to have a natural style and stylist in my area that could help when I need a haircut for example. Thank you all and take care.
wow love this forum, well till a baby at the journey of natural hair, cos I just had my hair cut last month and every body is OK with it. still leaning on how to go about it and I hope I will get every information needed for the look without much stress. thanks
It’s a good story please continue
I love the story and I can’t wait for part three. I’d also like to know how the boyfriend feels now. Did it grow on him? Does he like the turn out?
And I would also like to know how to keep up the hair style. Like do u have to roll your hair every night? Do you get it wet to recurl what went straight or flat when transitioning? Do I have to twist it and wet it every day and can you wet it everyday?
Today is the first day of my transition and I’m not doing the big chop!
My biggest critics were my parents but they thankfully have come around. My mom and dad were floored after the big chop. But now my mom loves it enough that she doesn’t want me to grow it out. And my dad is slowly accepting it.
Wow Keke, that’s great! Did you do anything to help them come around?
We’d love to know-
#BeCurlCentric
Kira
hi I am Magdalena I am so tired of people always make remarks about my short hair and I really wants to feel good about my hair without using chemichals.I want to have healthy hair which can be cared for in a natural way,
Hi Magdalena, the one thing I know to be true, you don’t have control over what people say do, think or feel. However, you do have control over what you think, feel and say. Although you may not be able to stop them from being negative, you can decide how you will allow their words/ lack of support impact you. Define what your natural hair mean to you. The more you see and accept your definition as truth, the less room you will have to allow their negativity to affect you. A great place to start taking care of your hair, is your regimen. Be sure to check out our Natural Hair 101 and Regimens For Beginners.
Also, join our Facebook Group, we’d love to share in your journey with you!
#BeCurlCentric Kira
I love the story. I would like it to continue and I just love natural hair.
Loved the story please continue.
Please continue! I’ve been transitioning for 6 months now and my boyfriend doesn’t understand (no matter how many times I explain). He pulls out old pictures with my relaxed hair and asks “so your hair won’t look like this again?”. I sent him the story to read and hopefully it’ll bring him around to the idea of my new look and understanding the benefits of keeping my natural hair.
I am very interested in knowing the rest of the story.
I big chopped in 2014. I experienced something a little bit similar, but at work. Some of my coworkers congratulated me, while I was reading something different in my manager’s eyes : a kind of disappointment. This feeling last a couple of months, but when he saw that I did not give up, he began to really appreciate my new style.
I have been natural again since 2009, and prior to 2006 I was natural. Many men I have been around LOVE to see women with natural hair. It is not foreign to them and they say they love us as women embracing our natural selves; especially our hair. So I see no issue with embracing us being naturalistas. However, if someone lacks exposure in an area, adjustment may be difficult. Time may change that.